Imagine the following situation.

My friend bought a new mobile phone. It has many functions, and he paid it a lot.
The only bad thing is that the instructions is in English, and he does not know English language.

And so it’s been a few months from when my friend bought this phone… and I note that my friend does not send messages with his new phone, but when someone sends him a message (SMS), he call that person immediately.
I asked him why not he send a message back. He said to me that he do not know how to handle any function on his mobile phone! I asked him: “so why not you see how it goes, push buttons, in the end you will learn?”

He answered “I do not touch what I do not know.” “What if I spoil something?”

Seemed to me so illogical, “how will you learn anything if you do not try?” I told him. “Why do you need the phone with so many functions when they are unexplored and you not use them?”

It is not logical, you agree?

So I thought about my actions. The phone is as it was my life. There are many wonderful options (functions) , but I have not had the courage to try to explore them. I was afraid not to “spoil” my life if I press the wrong “button” and try the wrong thing. How many times I was not ready to try something new. I was afraid of the unknown, and this is what my friend was afraid… to press the wrong button. So what if I fail? It is not so bad.

So, I will explore life, press those buttons.

Happiness, greatness, pride-nothing is secure, nothing keeps.
- Euripides

If you want total security, go to prison. There you’re fed, clothed, given medical care and so on. The only thing lacking … is freedom.
- Dwight D. Eisenhower

What is security? This is a very interesting topic. I think a lot about the security on the past few days. I realized that if I can understand security, I can much accelerate mine development and get fantastic results.

Earlier, several years ago (and, sometimes, now ) I was  always chasing security, I even went too far with it, and I have always had only one goal – to feel secure, safe. I rarely go into a situation where I would not be sure of the outcome of the situation, and even when I entered the situation about I feel insecure, I would be anxious and nervous and wanted to leave this “no security” situation as fast as I could.

However, I believe that everyone sooner or later realize that if he always “play it safe”, more is lost than gained, as he always see the same thing every day, be with the same people, living in the same way, and  chose to live, well, boring life.

That was the same with me. In those rare occasions when I did something new and uncertain, I felt so … excited, thrilled, I’d learned something new … just, I’d progressed, grow, developed. I felt much better, I work better. My confidence would grow and I believe in myself more.

Of course, I not always live such life… but that’s fine, I’m not perfect … Because change is uncertain… there is no security things will be as I want. That is why I write this, I want to grow.

When you aim for security, you usually see things like this – “if I try something new, that can ruin my life. Maybe this will be a new far worse than this. I might end up on the street, in jail, without love, loved ones, with no status in society “…

But you see, I discovered that security does not exist. Even, in my opinion security is fiction…

Why? Well, more about in future articles…

This is a translation of the article “Pravite greške” in English

———————————————————————–

I know, it’s not pleasant when we make mistakes. But it is certainly more unpleasant when we realize that we miss many great opportunities.

Fear of making mistakes is a worse thing than mistakes themselves! We need to make distinguish between the two. So there are:

1) mistakes and

2) the fear of making mistakes.

Why the fear of making mistakes is worse than mistakes?

You see, when you make a mistake, you just do something different than you expect. You can make mistake, but that does not mean anything. This does not mean that you are fail as person, it just means that you have not achieved something as you like. You will still have some result, only not what you have expect (eg. “failure”). But the key thing is to learn something from mistakes. Failure is just opportunity to improve. The knowledge that come from making mistakes, is very valuable. So, I think that making mistakes is inevitable and even positive because it gives you the opportunity to learn. So, or you will fail or will learn.

However, if you are afraid of making mistakes, then you will not try anything! What you lose then?

1. Knowledge and improvement gained from making mistakes

2. The opportunity for the possible success.

How will you succeed if you do not try? Imagine miners in gold mine, who fear that they will not succeed to find gold in mine where they plan to dig. And the fear of making mistakes stop them. What do you think, if they never try, because they are blocked by fear, when they have chance to find gold? You’re right, NEVER. Therefore, appreciate and congratulate yourself for every attempt, effort, try and mistake.

I think that fear of making mistakes is thing that stopped the progress and positive development of many people. Including me, sometimes.

The only cure for that is to learn to congratulate yourself for every attempt, effort, try and mistake. And to see a mistake as an opportunity for more knowledge. And knowledge is achieved by repetition. So, make mistakes.

This is a translation and update of the article “Kako se samoizgrađivati i zašto?” in English

———————————————————————————–

Life is full of changes. Smaller and larger. I will repeat that until you learn

Changes are just switching from one state to another.

There are positive changes, that is when things are changing how we want. Negative changes, when things are changing as we do not want. And when we do not change, we stand in place. This is when you try to avoid any change, as long as possible, but it is impossible to maintain this state, because everything is subject to impermanence, even to avoid any possible changes, your body will start to deteriorate in the natural process of aging, right?  And why do it? It’s like you’re dead.

So, changes are inevitable. Your mind should always be open to change, right?

Life is one big and constantly change. So life is a big opportunity for improvement, ie. positive change.

How?

Well, anyone who is alive, he must learn, and develop, you can not avoid that. Or you decide by yourself, or your life take you to new experiences that give you the opportunity to learn without that you choose. Until you die, you will learn by experience. If positive, you will learn from them how to create a more positive, if negative you will learn what not to do. Either way you will learn something, and grow.

So, we can decide to grow, ie. we decide what positive changes  we will bring into our lives, and then we try to control change (that will happen anyway) in a way that what we want. Eg. decide you want a healthier body. And then you’ll need to change diet, to introduce the exercise, to learn about all things, to look for people who have manage what you want etc. Or you can wait that life before you throw a disease, and that also must change the diet and all.

So, you can not escape to a change, but I choose to accept this fact and to change more in a way that I want.  I want to control the changes that are happening to me. We do not have much control over the changes that are happening around us. But we have control over us. We can change ourselves, build ourselves. When you change yourself, soon you will affect the environment, if not the other way, then by example to people around you.

So, changes are inevitable. Development is inevitable. The only question is whether you’ll make a conscious decision and affect change (and build yourself and your life as you want). Or you let the change happen by itself.

So, why should you build yourself (grow) ?

Because some form of “self-construction” going on constantly, regardless if you wanted to or not. You always have a choice not to decide, and let it be. It is a slower solution, but it will happen. Or you go, make decisions, build yourself and then by example create circumstances what you want. Finally, if you constantly make (positive) changes that you want, you become more skilled  at making positive changes, and so, develop you and your life as you want, on financial, health / physical, social, business, spiritual, and all other “categories” of life (or whatever you call them) .

How to build yourself?

So here are some basic ways, which will probably deepen in future posts.

1. Reading – reading “feed the brain”. I think it is very important to read. By reading you gather new ideas. It do not have to be a professional literature. A new, useful ideas you can get from reading, science fiction, historical books, encyclopedias or “crime and punishment” (Dostoevsky)… or this site

2. Listening and talking – people are like books. Everyone has a story, some people have a set of negative stories, or positive. There are various types of people, everyone is valuable, and from each you can learn something. From some people you can get valuable lessons, some will teach you why not to be such person . But it is important to see what belief systems exist, so maybe choose a new for yourself, and in this way change and grow.

3. By thinking – this can be dangerous Thinking sometimes can bring us good things and solutions. Thinking can sometimes block us, we can bring jealousy, pain, envy, self-pity, etc.. So in case you use it, mix it with love and it will be ok.

4. Action – this is probably the best way for growth. Books and everything else we can get a good idea. But if you do not apply these idea its will mean very little. It is important to transfer ideas from the mind, to the physical reality, everyday life. In this way, we can get the most knowledge and growth. And while many people believe that the failure is negative, failure can actually be very positive thing. Because you will learn by the failure much, much more than reading books for example, or any other method, although all are useful.

You now can say that almost all  is opportunities for building yourself. Well, yes.

Finally, you do not have to strive to improve yourself. It is your choice, not need. But the theme of this site is a personal change affected by your own decisions, so this is for those who have decided to do so.

In this article I will explain how I learned that it is essential and important to be calm and relaxed.

A few years ago I went through a (practical) driving test. That meant a lot to me so I remember almost everything. The first time I went through driving test I woke up early in the morning. When I woke up I was a little upset…

And then we started, I entered the car, turned it on (I started the car) all went ok, until I made one little mistake… At this point, i’m a little scared…

Soon there was another mistake and it was over for that time… I thought to myself, OK, it is only the first time. I did not succeed this time, but I will next time.

The second time was even worse. I was very nervous… It was going through my head, that it’s ok for someone to to fail once, but I will succeed this time… everything will be ok. And again I failed… Driving instructor told me that he could not recognize me, I drive very well, when I was with him… But now, he could see by my behavior that I’m nervous.

The third time… I tried to laugh, talking very much with people who are waiting with me on the exam. Maybe I looked like someone in the mood, but… whole being was concentrated on that is the third time… “I can not afford not to succeed, what will others think, all people pass from the second time” … blah blah … I did not pass

The fourth time … I remember before taking driving test, in the morning, I entered the bakery, bought a pastry, and was so nervous that I could not eat. I just I threw the food. I do not remember everything, but it seems to me that this time I made a big mistake … I mean, I did not kill anyone: D but I failed…

I was thinking: “what is wrong with me”… I started to panic, I thought, “I will never pass” … “All can go to hell” … “Must be something wrong with the car” … Now, when I remember that, it is funny, but then I just panic. I felt like I lose a lot every time when I have not passed driving test. “All people” were passing from the first, second, third times, I was waiting for the fifth! I started to to think about all the friends and people who were passing from the first, second, third times, and I started to discourage myself… Car and the driving school was annoying me, and instructor and commissions and all other things…

Of course, not “all people” passed from the first or second time, but  in a panic I’m began to exaggerate, to always think negatively, and so feed your anxiety… what to say… : D I did not always felt so, but there were moments…

Have you ever passed through such a thing? Not only that you are panic-stricken because of an event that will come, but your thoughts “feed” and increases your anxiety…

And so came the fifth time … However, this time was different.

I do not know what or who it is (perhaps the driving instructor) but it pointed to my nervousness, as the main problem. It isn’t my knowledge of driving. I knew all the rules, I knew how, I always took extra classes. I know to drive. It was not that someone there did not like me. No one had reason to feel anything towards me. It was only one reason, I was extremely nervous and worried.

It would totally blocked me. So at the time of driving my attention was not behind the wheel.

The fifth time I have learned a very important lesson. More important then a driver’s license. And that is that the anxiety and nervous will block you even with things you know. Often, is not important  how much you know, nor do the skills, nor the talent … but only to how much you are relaxed.

I passed the driving test the fifth time and got a license. I was not nervous. On the contrary, I didn’t  think about anything else … I just drove, and everything was OK.

How do I deal with that?

How to deal with anxiety when it threatens to destroy your chances at something? I told you I have learned from this from driving test. Let’s analyze this.

First, I stopped to expect perfectionism from myself. I am less concerned about whether I will pass or not.

Second, I identified anxiety as a problem. When I saw and became aware of that, I was able to recognize who is the guilty and remove that immediately, because this depends on me. Not from external conditions. So I was  relaxed because I was aware of the problem.

Conclusion

It is strange how sometimes in ordinary situations we can learn a variety of important things.

This is one simple thing, get a driver’s license… but I learned a valuable lesson that we use today. I felt a great positive change in my life when I realized how much care and stress can block me. Of course even today sometimes I do not resist being upset because of something. I am a human being  But it is still much less, and conscious than before.